Grab It By The Horn

I've been spending quite a bit of time online this week. Its strange, 72.35 trillion people are on the internet at a given time, but the more I'm on, the more isolated I feel. According to the website, I have 376 friends, yet not one of them is available to go see Spy Kids 7 with me today (answer your phones people)! An elderly man left a very disturbing comment on my profile last night. Not to worry, I am meeting up with him later and I intend to give him a piece of my mind! I recently entered a bidding-war on eBaywith a Scotsman. He and I are battling over the last remaining thoroughbred Argentinian unicorn. He is in the lead with 72.35 thousand Rubles and it seems as though he will win. I wish I could be there to see the look on that poor bastard's face when he realizes that there's no such thing as a thoroughbred Argentinian Unicorn! Fool! If he didn't have haggis for brains he would know that: A. The humidity of Argentina's climate would destroy its natural flaxen coat and B. It is impossible for a unicorn to be thoroughbred, they are a hybrid of a Clydesdale and a narwhal. The poor sucker got taken and will probably receive some common Welsh unicorn. The more I stare at this bright color screen, the more I feel as though I am staring into the dark soul of man kind.